Target Practice
by PoisonBones
Summary: Thorin just wanted to have a peaceful night after hard work in the mines, but of course Fili and Kili won't have it. Kids are frustrating, and get the most outrageous ideas, but in the end, we all know that the adult will always look back and smile.
1. Wanted Targets

Thorin's POV

I slammed the front door behind me. Meornin, the blasted oaf, had decided that he wasn't going to arrive at the mines today, leaving me to work upon 2 sides of tunneling instead of just 1. It was hot down in the mines near the forge where I worked, causing a single workday to be a wretched 10 hours, and doing twice as much work had left me in a foul mood. I carelessly threw my cloak on the back of a kitchen chair and went into the living room. I stopped to look out the window. The long work hours left me hungry, and I pondered going for a visit to my nephews and my sister Dis, hopefully I wouldn't be too late to catch a good meal and a tickle match with Fili and Kili, maybe take those two up the mountain tomorrow.

I thought for a good minute or two, and then decided against it. It was an hour walk to Dis' house, and I wasn't too eager to go that far this late after dark. Instead, I turned and plucked a book off of my dusty shelf. I realized how long it had been since I read a good book, and feeling pleasantly wicked, I plunked myself down into my leather armchair and opened up to the first page.

I hadn't been reading for more than 5 minutes when a large uproar came from the back field. I jumped out of my seat, grabbed my sword and rushed outside. I sighed at who it was.

Fili and Kili stood in the pasture laughing. They turned in my direction and the smiles melted off of their faces when they saw me.

"Uh….." Fili was quite obviously ransacking his brain for a good reason to be scaring my livestock in the dead of the night.

"Well boys, what do you have to say for yourselves?" I asked sternly, I was angry and frustrated that these two had decided to interrupt my night.

"We were-!" Kili didn't get the chance to finish his sentence; the cold had begun to seep through my clothes, causing my teeth to chatter. I loathed winter. I grabbed the boys by the scruffs of their necks and pulled them inside.

Standing at the kitchen table I demanded firmly, "Why are you here?"

Kili silently pulled a batch of cloth from his cloak pocket and set it on the table, "Mother told us to bring this to you, said you'd live entirely off of travel portion if you had the chance."

"Why were you after the livestock?"

The boys exchanged nervous glances, then turned back to me, "We were going to use them as moving targets in the mountains tomorrow morning." Fili said quietly, "For our bows."

"So not only were you going to take one of my animals and not tell me, and allow me to believe it had been stolen, but you were going to shoot it?!" I was more shocked than angry at this.

I sighed and gripped the bridge of my nose. I looked back up at them and spoke in an even tone, "It's too late for you to make the trip home, and you shall stay with me tonight. Remove your cloaks and boots; you can sleep in the spare room."

"Yes sir." My nephews quietly, if not guiltily, turned and did as they were told. I went into the spare room and started a fire, pulled extra blankets from the wicker chest at the foot of the bed, and removed all breakable, fragile, glass, clay etcetera objects from the room. The boys gently came to sit on the bed and pulled the covers over the both of them.

"I don't want to hear a peep from this room, I'm leaving my door open, do you understand?"

"Yes sir." I slipped out the door and half closed it behind me. Taking a deep breath I went into my own room and removed my boots and dirty clothes.

Now clean and free of the mines oily smell, I tiptoed intro the spare room and, making sure they were asleep, planted a kiss on each of my nephews foreheads before going back to my own bedroom.

I lay back on my pillows and thought deeply about the boy's reasons for coming after my animals. I chuckled to myself. Target practice, they sounded like me when I was a child. Of course, I never stole livestock, but if I did I would've done a much better and quieter job of it.

I rolled onto my side and stared into the fire regretfully. Fili and Kili were truly beginning to resemble the actions of teenagers.

Kids these days they grow up so fast.


	2. Hanging Traps

I stuck my head around the trunk of yet another tree, only to find its roots unoccupied. '_Dammit' _I thought, where could those boys be? I had woken, early this morning, to find a note signed by both Fili and Kili saying that they were going up to the mountain. Now, there was nothing wrong with a child wanting to explore, but there is a problem when the area they want to explore is being used as God's green punching bag.

When Dwalin, an important member of The Company, was angered beyond reasoning with, he often went up to the remote part of the mountain to lash out his anger, and he lost it with anybody who disturbed him. It could've been anybody's nephews, but it just had to be mine who chose to go up the mountain on one of Dwalin's bad days. I knew if they got too close he would probably come after them, and the last thing I needed was to have to stand between my kin and an enraged dwarf of Dwalin's size.

I walked about, looking up trees and in between boulders looking for the boys, muttering about their choice of timing all the while. I was just about ready to tear my hair out when I heard a familiar sound. Kili. His voice was muffled, and far away and I couldn't tell what he was saying, but Fili indeed replied. I followed their voices being as quiet as possible, planning on scaring them.

As I grew closer, their voices became clearer.

"What if he doesn't come soon?"

"He'll come, don't worry."

"He better. I didn't hang that basket for nothing."

I didn't like the sound of that. No sir, not at all. It wasn't too long until I was in the middle of two large pin oaks, where my nephews were placed, one at each trunk. The boys silenced themselves immediately, unaware that I'd heard their entire conversation. But even though 'hang the basket' was stuck in my heads suspicion zone, I didn't bother to check the branches above me. I stepped onto the clearing and heard the sound of loosing rope. I looked up.

The last thing I remember was the bottom of a basket rushing towards my face, and pain spreading through my shoulders and nose. Then I saw fish.


	3. Sisters And Maturity

"We really didn't mean to uncle Thorin."

"It was supposed to be for Dwalin, we swear."

I groaned slightly at their excuses, "You shouldn't have meant anything like that for anyone." I muttered angrily. Turns out having a basket of fish dumped on your head, being knocked unconscious, being badly bruised, having your nephews each grab a leg and drag back you to the house, and having to listen to them talk about how sorry they are, can put you in a pretty foul mood. Who would've thunk it?

"It won't happen again, we promise."

"Yeah."

I looked down at my nephews and pointed to a pile of firewood by the door, "Take it outside and cover it."

"Yes sir." The boys moved to do their chores when a knock came at the door. With a deep breath I stood from my position at the bathroom sink, where I had washed my cuts and cooled my burning bruises, and went to the front of the house. I pulled open the door and, seeing who it was, slammed it right back in the visitors face.

"Thorin, this is not about the other night and work, it's about your nephews." Meornin. Bastard.

"Thorin, you let us in now or for Mauls sake I will let Meornin break this door down."

I chuckled, and spoke back to the familiar voice, "Angry are we?"

"Agitated."

"For whatever reason?"

"My sons didn't come home last night."

I pulled open the door and looked straight at Meornin, "You leave. Now."

As he walked away I looked at a pretty face. Brown eyes, blonde hair, strong, smart. My sister was a natural born queen. Especially with the way she worried.

Dis' eyes grew wide when she saw the bruise on my cheek and she gasped, "Good Lord Thorin, what happened?"

"Your sons." I said plainly, like it was the obvious answer.

She stared at me for a second, before crying out, "Boys, you come now!"

Fili and Kili slowly came into sight at the end of the hall. They both looked frightened. I chuckled, _'Good'_ I thought. Dis was a sweet woman, but when angered she could be downright scary, and with fire in her eyes she immediately began the interrogation.

"What happened to your uncle's face?"

"We hit his head."

"You did what?"

"With a basket. It was an accident."

"Why in hell on earth would you hit your uncle with a basket?!"

"Well technically we dropped it on him so…"

"It doesn't matter how he got hurt, it matters that he did, now what happened?" Fili, being the oldest, was silent as his mother's eyes bore holes into his chest.

"We were trying to hit Master Dwalin because he makes so much noise on the mountain when he gets upset, so we hung a basket of fish over the clearing entrance and waited for him so we could drop it on his head….." Fili's voice faded, and Kili picked up the story, "But instead uncle came looking for us, since we left before he woke up, and when he came into the clearing-!"

"-We kinda dropped it on his head." Fili finished for him.

Dis stared at her two sons in disbelief for a good solid minute and a half before she broke from her trance, "Alright," Her voice now quiet and far away, "Continue with the chores Thorin gave you."

The boys shuffled down the hall, and Dis turned to me, "Why didn't they come home last night?"

"They were chasing my livestock. They wanted to take one up the mountain this morning for bow practice, and I said no. So with nothing to do they devised this little scheme." I pointed at my bruised and cut face, and surprisingly, my sister started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" I asked bemused.

"Thorin….my boys are becoming teenagers!" With that outburst Dis started to cry. She reached for me and I hugged her back. I'd wondered how long it would be until she accepted the fact that her boys had grown.

"Oh Thorin, what am I going to do? Fili will be a man soon, and Kili is only five years behind him." She sniffled and looked up at me.

"Dis, they're going to grow up sooner or later, and you know that, and either way, whether it happens sooner or later it is still going to be painful. Might as well get it over with now." I said this while resting my chin on her head.

We stood silent for a few moments. Dis looked up at me, "Did you get the food I sent?"

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss your cooking if it meant walking through freezing rain in nothing but my trousers!" I said exclaimed, and that was the truth.

Dis smiled, "Late breakfast?"

"Sounds good."

An hour later we were all enjoying a nice breakfast together in my somewhat presentable dining room. We were all actually having a good time, even though no one was even really eating the food, and that of course meant Dis was looking at me to be a good influence. In my defense, Fili threw the first chunk of egg at my head thank you very much. So me and the boys were covered from head to toe in food receiving a legendary scolding from Dis. Didn't last long, Kili threw a biscuit at her head and she joined the fight.

I'm all about growing up, but sometimes I hate maturity.


End file.
